First and foremost, choose wisely the people who you keep your secrets with. So here are my story regarding to this topic that I want to share openly with all of you. Since I further my study to the higher level in University, I made a lot of friends like a lot from each of the faculty because that's my nature, I love making friends.
In the first and second year of the University life, all are just fine. I had a great friends that always want to go out with me, friends that always came to my room every finals exam, lovely friends that will celebrate my birthday together, I also always helped them financially and support them because for me they are part of my family. We have fun together, discussing, shared foods together, shared bed because I treated them like my own sisters, shared our problems, secrets, until one day, they started to turn back from me.
First I felt so confuse why are they doing this to me. Months after months they ignored me, talked back, I felt like they bullied me and I felt so stress out thinking and asking myself every day what did I done wrong? At the end of the semester it turns out that all of the ignorance are from hatred, jealousy towards me.
They blamed me for childish things. Every weekend, I will go out to see my boyfriend. Had lunch with him or maybe dinner, going to cinema, zoo, shopping, vacations, etc. etc. Usually when on dated, I always posted on my Instagram stories, like every typical girlfriends does. I also didn't expose my boyfriend's face because I find it personal. I don't have a need to show my boyfriend's face to the world. I felt so insecure if I post his face, well don't blame me because that's a normal thing if you're a girlfriend. How can that thing can created a feeling of hatred and jealousy? They said:
"You don't have time for us."
"You've changed."
"Where did you go, why you always not in your room every weekend?"
They also said that they doesn't like my boyfriend. They critics him, judge him. And they told me to clash with my boyfriend, I repeat, they told me to clash with my boyfriend as soon as possible because it is not nice. I know they are religious people but as long as this relationship didn't harm me I'm glad to keep this relationship. They have no right to tell me what to do. It sounds a bit harsh but I'm sure you will exactly tell them the same thing as I did if you are in my shoes.
After they confronted to me and yes it failed, because there's no way I would do what they said. They started to publish false statements that damaged me. The statements are too horrible and I can't take it. It breaks my heart so much because persons that I treated like my family did this to me instead of being by my side, they chose to tear me apart. So people, please keep this inside your mind, your close friends today might be your enemy tomorrow. Like it is better to have an enemy who honestly says they hate you than to have a friend who's putting you down secretly.
2. Don't be too hard toward yourself
Another important lesson for me in 2018 was not to be hard on myself. Although this is yet a cliche you are probably aware of, it can be challenging in your day to day life. Being my own worst critic. I was never satisfied with whatever I accomplished. I was never enough. I always pushed myself to be better, work harder and become more successful. This feelings made me extremely motivated to keep on striving for those dreams I had, but it also caused me to feel stressed, anxious and insecure about myself on most days.
After that incident, I doesn't have much appetite and this caused too much weight loss, depressed, always get sick like vomiting, fever, flu, itchy skins, back pain, lower abdomen pain, etc etc. In 2018, Infirmary is just like my second home for me. At this stage, I finally learned to let go the toxic part of this mindset and found the right balance between wanting to be better myself, and being happy with how I far I have come.
It's not easy, and I have days I fall back. After that, I have come to terms with the fact that the only person I should really be listening to is me, myself. In the end, it's always going to be you that carry the burden of decision making. Not them. Not because I know things better than others or because I am always right but this is my life, and I want to live my life in a way that makes me feel good, happy, strong and positive. I am my choices, and I will never be truly happy if I give the power of making those choices to other people.
Yes, I removed them from my life. they are no longer my close friend. I stayed away from them. Because I do believed that there's no used to stay to the persons who doesn't want us to be part in their life. I stayed away from media socials like Instagram, Twitter, changed my phone number. I am happy with this new change.
I also wanted to share you a good news. I met my old friend ! We haven't met like years. We finally met for dinner and planned so much things. I am so glad she came to me, stays besides me, took care of me. She even took me to the hospital ! Thank you, dear long lost friend. We will go have fun around KL this December. I look forward to our plans ! The things is, people that turned you down might think that you are already lose, but hey you still breathing right? So don't be hard toward yourself and do something that might cheer you up. This is not about them. This is about you. This is your story. You decide who you want to remove and you decide what you want to achieve !
It's not easy, and I have days I fall back. After that, I have come to terms with the fact that the only person I should really be listening to is me, myself. In the end, it's always going to be you that carry the burden of decision making. Not them. Not because I know things better than others or because I am always right but this is my life, and I want to live my life in a way that makes me feel good, happy, strong and positive. I am my choices, and I will never be truly happy if I give the power of making those choices to other people.
Yes, I removed them from my life. they are no longer my close friend. I stayed away from them. Because I do believed that there's no used to stay to the persons who doesn't want us to be part in their life. I stayed away from media socials like Instagram, Twitter, changed my phone number. I am happy with this new change.
I also wanted to share you a good news. I met my old friend ! We haven't met like years. We finally met for dinner and planned so much things. I am so glad she came to me, stays besides me, took care of me. She even took me to the hospital ! Thank you, dear long lost friend. We will go have fun around KL this December. I look forward to our plans ! The things is, people that turned you down might think that you are already lose, but hey you still breathing right? So don't be hard toward yourself and do something that might cheer you up. This is not about them. This is about you. This is your story. You decide who you want to remove and you decide what you want to achieve !
